Location: River Washburn (N.Yorkshire)


Weapons of choice: pointy boats and weird paddles.


The aim of the game is simple; get to the bottom of the race course in the fastest time. There are two courses available, the classic (~10mins) and the sprint (~2mins) and a variety of events including men’s, women’s, mixed teams and canoodling (C1’s and 2’s).

Recent NUCC heroes of this event have been the (un)beatable Jamie Oughton, the immortal Ralph Baker, the inexplicable “Huw Friar” and Mark Pooleman (Fathead). Newcastle dominated the event in 2007 winning gold and bronze in the mixed teams and two silvers in the men’s kayak events. 2008 saw a much tougher competition with the highlights being the mens team bronze and a host of bronze medals for an individual who wishes to remain anonymous.

This year’s competition should see a return to Newcastle’s heyday of bathing in medals, quaffing mead from horns in the halls of Valhalla, choice of 72 endlessly willing virgins and general utopia in the Garden of Eden (apples included). As you can see, here at Newcastle, we accept all forms of religion including “Jedi Knight”.

Tips for the race include not swimming, paddling fast, and using your guile, charm and looks to obtain a lucky penny from the Rippon Horn Blower. Another sensible option is to bring lots of warm dry clothes; it is nearly December after all.

The Saturday night sees the usual knees up associated with BUSC events; fancy dress, music, shenanigans and black marker pen. Nuffsaid.

Enter and complete as many events as you can as every finished run down the course, no matter how long you take, is another point to The Glorious Cause. Have fun and I’ll see you on/in the river.

Francis Jones.